In a couple weeks, you’ll be hearing a bit less of me, as I have a little vacation time on the books. I shot an email to HR, requesting a couple weeks off and they said I was a three days short of the amount of days I was requesting, but that I could advance myself a couple of days to make up the difference.
Just kidding. I’m freelance. I do what I want. Suckers.
Anyways, in a couple weeks, my girlfriend and I are going on a two-week jaunt to Europe, one week in Barcelona and one week in Paris. And, as people generally do when they have a vacation booked in advance, they tend to daydream about how awesome the vacation will be, how much personal growth they’ll go through and how they will wind up being a changed and better person when they get back.
Maybe it ‘s just me that does that. Nonetheless, I wanted to put some of my expectations on paper, on the public record of yr an adult, so that hopefully I can temper my expectations. Here’s what I’m hoping will happen when I’m in Europe later this month:
- Despite all previous trips I’ve taken where my running shoes took up valuable luggage space but went unused, THIS time, I’m actually going to find the time and energy to exercise while abroad. It’s totally going to happen, and thus, when I return to the states, I will be less of a binge-eating, occasionally-exercising piece of shit, typical American.
- Upon arriving on the European continent, I will immediately fall in with an A Moveable Feast-like crowd of hip expatriates and locals, all of whom are involved in projects that will shape the future of contemporary culture. We’ll become fast friends, get on famously, gain access to exclusive parties, try drugs you haven’t even heard of yet, someone will know about some party that Kanye will be at, we’ll make plans to meet later this summer in Shanghai, Rio or Dubai, etc… It will be dope.
- Early in the trip, I will have a moment of clarity about where I should push my career aspirations, what I should work on and where I should live upon coming back to the stated. And by the time I get home, I will have an actual, actionable game plan mapped out.
- I expect to randomly bump into a handful of close friends, who I didn’t know were going to be in Europe, and we’ll all explore/drink together. It will be awesome
- I totally won’t go overboard budget-wise, putting expensive meals on the credit-card, and buying tons of crap I don’t need. Instead, I will be prudent about cooking meals in our respective rentals’ kitchens, only eating out a couple of times. And I will only buy a couple gifts for friends and family.
- My severely degraded French language skills and non-existent Catalonian skills will actually prove to be far better than I remember, and will actually carry me through exceedingly well. I will not once touch my translation app on my phone.
- I will read at least 15 books while gone, and come back more cultured then ever.
- Despite my addiction to the internet, I will thoroughly unplug from the web while gone, and my brain will totally be better for it.
- My binge drinking habits (it’s not alcoholism Mom, I SWEAR), will not create hangovers which result in me spending hours in bed in the morning. Despite evidence to the contrary, the European version of Hank will totally have his shit together.
- I will enter an actual time-tunnel (à la Midnight in Paris) and hang out with the actual crowd from A Moveable Feast. Steinski (my sweet nickname for Gertrude Stein) will have plenty of advice about my novel. At some point, I will suckerpunch Hemingway in the throat. It will be dope.
So, I thought if I put all these unrealistic expectations on paper, it would purge them from my psyche. Unfortunately, no, I still really want them all to happen. Shit.
 Relevant hash-tags: #ballerstatus #thegoodlife #thediscreetcharmoftheboureousie #whitepeopleproblems
Henry Goldman is founder of yr an adult. And yes, he really is that shallow.
Photo credit: flickr user hi-phi, used under cc license.