A few months after I moved into my latest apartment, I decided to succumb to the pressures of San Francisco’s department of emergency management and set aside a little space in the house for an earthquake kit. Well, the other night, after being awakened by a 4.0 on the Hayward fault line (it felt a little bit like a car had crashed into the floor below my bedroom), I decided it was time to re-assess what kinds of emergency provisions I had at my disposal, should I be in the apartment when the Big One (predicted to happen before 2030) hits. I opened up the cabinet where my girlfriend brews kombucha to see what we have in stock.
Here’s what my kit has in it:
- 2 liters of expired Trader Joes water (how does water expire?)
- 1 can of soup
This isn’t going to cut it folks, so, to upgrade, here’s a few things on my shopping list of things I’ll need to take my earthquake kit to the next level.
- Not expired water.
- First aid kit, you know, in case I hurt myself. Which is likely.
- Canned food I won’t eat to avoid going to the store (meaning has to be pretty gross), so it’s probably gonna be, like, cat food or something.
- Flashlight and batteries. Self explanatory.
- Crank radio, in case, god forbid, the internet goes down.
- Anti-anxiety pills, in case, god forbid, the internet goes down.
- $500 cash, in case I need to bribe a taxi driver to get me out of California (I’m envisioning this could get apocalyptic).
- Life jacket, in case of tsunami.
- Flare gun. I’m not sure why. I just want one.
- Clean underwear, because should I need all of these things, I’ll definitely be shitting myself.
I’m now going to leave “get more stuff for earthquake kit” on my to do list for the next couple weeks, until I forget about it completely. You should probably be more proactive than me, though.
For a fun earthquake prep test, go here.
Henry Goldman is founder of yr an adult. Follow him on twitter, why don’t you?